A Winning Season
I have a rule when someone is giving me advice: Never take advice from someone you wouldn’t swap places with. If you’re reading this: remember that.
Here is my resume: I have been a Coach’s wife for 13 years. This is our 17th season as a team, but the REAL stat that means the most: I have been a mother for 8 seasons. See, coaching life and coach’s wife life is the easiest when it is just you and coach. Sure, I was slightly lonely but if Coach was out coaching, and I was bored; I went and ran marathons. I went shopping. I went home to spend time with my family and friends. When we added to the roster, it wasn’t just me and Coach. We had other people depending on us. This is where the season stressing enters. However, on season 8, I think we won, I think I have the winning game plan.
Here is my play book:
If it bothers me: Coach knows it. I say it. If it bothers Coach: I know it. He will say it.
It breaks my heart into a million pieces when I see coaching families struggling because something is bothering the wife, (usually time the coach spends away from home), and nothing is ever communicated about it. Honestly, this was us in some seasons. Now, nope. “Hey. I am finding myself jealous of your silent 15 minute commute to and from home. I have children with me ALLLLLL day. I need a moment of peace.” I said this one mid season. So we sat down and worked out a solution, Coach had to alter his schedule a bit to start helping with taking Cart to school.
“Hey. I am not going to the UGA game this Saturday. I am exhausted. I can’t keep running like this.” So, we all missed a few UGA games last season, or Coach went with friends and we had a day at home.
I was also finding myself mad about morning practices. I was actually using it as a social media platform for a minute. Then one day (recently) Coach said: “It upsets me when I have to tell you about morning meetings and practices. I can’t change it. It makes it harder when you complain.” So….. ummmmm….. that hurt. But I stopped complaining.
I think the problem is not FOOTBALL or time Coach spends gone and away from home: It might be if we voice our opinion and feelings and nothing changes. I had to learn that this isn’t a coaching issue. This is a husband and wife issue and this needs to be addressed immediately. We have to correct this problem quick.
2. Coach wears an Apple Watch that has phone capability. Why did this help? BECAUSE IF I AM CALLING YOU…… YOU BETTER ANSWER. I don’t call to see how your day was. I HATE talking on the phone. I would NEVER call just to say HEY. No SIR. If I am calling you, pick up the phone ehhhh watch. I do not care if you are on the sideline of the state championship play and we are on the 3 yard line about to score to win it all. No. If I call…. answer. Something bigger than a championship is happening. (You have to know I fully 100% respect his coaching time and would never abuse this.)
I also may text: “Grab milk.” “I called in our dinner order. Pick it up on your way home.” There is ZERO guilt behind me needing to know I could call Coach IF I needed him.
3. Home cleaning service.
I will leave this at that. If our budget changed this would be the first thing I could cut. I know this. However, once we started using a cleaning service in our home, she became family. We love her. I am a better Coach’s wife and mother because this was taken off of my plate. I knew it was time to find some help when I was finding myself angry at coaching because house chores were falling behind.
4. Routine. Coach is coaching, but that does not excuse him from anything else. You still have to walk in the door and be 100% for the people in this house. We have a routine. I cook dinner, and he does the dishes. I give the children a bath, and he starts/ folds the laundry. We have an open line of communication that cleared this up when our first born arrived. I can’t do everything. We both like a clean house. We have to work together. You can’t preach “teamwork” on the field and not show it in your home.
5. Mama’s Moment. I hire a babysitter to come to my house once a week at 5pm. It is usually just for 2 hours. It allows me to do things I need to do child free. I am a small business owner and teacher as well. During the season I was feeling overwhelmed getting it all done. I was staying up until midnight each night and up at 4:30am. I just couldn’t keep up. So I hired help. It is amazing what those 2 hours do for my mental health. Honestly, in the season everything other than coaching takes a backseat. I started finding myself “wishing the season was over” and that is NOT how I want to live our life. So I had to hire help. (If you have family close, this would be the perfect grandparent evening activity.I bet they would LOVE to come do dinner/ bed routine once a week for you) We don’t, so our “Mar Mar” saves the day and my sanity.
6. One calendar. As soon as coach knows of a date or I know of something he CAN’T miss, we text each other and then put it on our calendar. Coach is the BEST at telling me things immediately after he hears them. Again, it took 17 seasons…. but here we are.
7. Date Nights. It is hard. There is literally NO time. But sometimes, we need a dinner reservation and a peaceful meal that doesn’t come from Chick-fil-a. Make the time.
8. Prayer. Y’all…… I live my best season when I am closest to my church family and friends and I am in my Bible daily. Sure I will have my mid-season meltdown. However, I found myself thriving 90% of the season last season because I was closer to Jesus than ever before. I promise, I will pray with you.
May your season be full of wins and your mid season meltdowns be small, friend!
